It’s 2am and I’m wide awake

I didn’t plan for this to be my first post about my anxiety, I have one written to post later this week, but here I am, wide awake at 2am and I have to be awake in 3 hours for work.

I’ve just had a week and a half off because I hurt my hand and couldn’t do my job, and tomorrow I’m going back on earlies (6am-2pm). My anxiety is in overdrive worrying about going back. I don’t hide the fact that I dislike my job, but only one or two people know just how much. There are often days where I get to work and within not even an hour I want to cry because I just can’t stand being there.

I know it’s not really that bad, and at the end of the day it’s money in the bank. But being on a production line often comes with a huge amount of pressure to be able to keep up, and sometimes you just can’t. I end up panicking and worrying, and often team leaders will complain, unless I’m lucky and have one of the few more understanding ones who actually realise that not everyone can do every job in that fucking place perfectly.

Now as for early shifts, they’re not all bad because I know when I get out of there at 2pm I have the rest of the day to do whatever I want – a luxury that I don’t have working lates from 2pm-10pm. However the thought of waking up at 5am fills me with dread, hence why I can’t sleep. It was not even 4 hours ago that I was saying to Amber that this would happen, it almost always happens on the Sunday night before my early shift week.

Now I better post this, put my phone down, close my eyes and hope that I fall asleep.

Kimberley 

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