Friends with benefits is supposed to be great sex with no strings attached, right? Wrong.
My experience with fwb has put me off it for good. Sure for some people it works out great, but when you’re me and you get attached in like 0.5 seconds it doesn’t work at all.
Last February I met a guy and we became friends pretty quickly. At the time I was 19 and he was 23, it wasn’t too long before we started flirting and he said he liked me as more than a friend. Now if I go into every minor detail this post will be ridiculously long so I’ll just stick with the basic details.
Right at the start, we loved each other, or at least I loved him, whether he truly felt it or not I’m really not sure anymore. A few days after we first said those three words, we slept together for the first time. Five days later “let’s just be friends, I don’t love you anymore”… Sorry but feelings don’t just disappear like that, as far as I’m concerned either he still loved me at that point or he never did; honestly my money is on the latter. So we argued for a while and then stayed friends. Except we didn’t stay just friends, there was more.
Towards the end of April was my 20th birthday so I met up with him for a few hours and it was the first time I’d seen him since he ended it, and within a few weeks of that day, we were sleeping together again, he made it clear he only wanted sex and not the emotional side of it, and looking back I probably should have stopped it there because no matter what I said, I knew I’d never see it as just sex, my feelings were still there. But regardless we carried on, even when I found out in June that he’d slept with someone else – he insisted it was a one-off and he regretted it – I forgave him and acted like it never happened. Yet another time I should have stopped it but didn’t.
The end of July was the second time he ended it, again saying he just wanted to be friends. I said okay and we were fine as friends, of course I was upset but I just struggled through. His birthday was near the beginning of August so we went to the cinema with his brothers and their girlfriends, I had to stay at his flat that night because I couldn’t get home after the film – which was Suicide Squad if anyone’s interested. We both knew what would happen but we went ahead and did it anyway, so of course later that night we had some of the best sex we’d ever had, and I had the best night’s sleep in weeks, something about knowing he was there next to me made me feel safe. We then didn’t see each other for a few weeks but when we did, our fwb situation started again. We were fine until the beginning of October, he said he wanted to be just friends but as we’d arranged for me to stay with him that weekend I still went anyway and we agreed I’d sleep on the sofa – I didn’t. We fucked four times in 24 hours. So we carried on as we had been, forgetting the conversation we’d had just days earlier.
Throughout October I felt as though he was perhaps starting to get serious about us. He had asked if I wanted to spend Christmas with him, he’d suggested getting me a key for his flat so I could let myself in if he was still at work when I went round, he said he was finally going to take me on a proper date, and he even said he loved me – which he later said he didn’t mean in the way that I wanted him to. However at the end of October I went to London to stay with Amber and whilst I was there I got a message from him saying he was ending it because he’d been talking to another girl. That girl is now his girlfriend and a few weeks ago he completely cut me off because she didn’t like that he was still friends with me, despite the fact that he promised we’d stay friends and he’s also said that he couldn’t be with someone who tried to control who he’s friends with.
Love makes you do things you wouldn’t usually do though. I know that better than anyone, I should never have given him as many chances as I did, but I did it because I loved him. And yes, the sex was amazing, but looking back, it wasn’t worth all the hurt I went through to be with him.
I guess the point I want to get across is that if you’re clingy and get attached easily like me, then perhaps fwb isn’t for you. I learned my lesson the hard way and I sure as hell won’t be getting myself into that situation again. As a result of what happened with him I’ve lost all trust in guys and I’m terrified of getting hurt again.