Work, anxiety and another sleepless night

This will be a slightly rushed post as at the time of writing it’s currently 10:30pm and I have to be awake at 5am for work.

So as always on the Sunday night before my early shift I know I’ll barely sleep; my anxiety will go into overdrive and keep me awake all night. I don’t even have anything to worry about really – plus there’s a hot guy to keep me occupied during my shift, but that’s for another post about crushes at work that I’ll try to write this week!

I spent all day today hoping that work would text me to say I’m not needed tomorrow, but no such luck unfortunately. Although I was told last week that usually after Easter my employers don’t have any agency workers in for a couple of months, so I could have some time off to look forward to! But that does mean I need to work as much as I can and save some money before then so that I won’t have to claim benefits in the time I’m not needed, because the job centre is really not a place I feel like dealing with again. But in all honestly if I do end up having a couple of months break from work I’ll more than likely look for something else, because I know when it comes to the time for going back I just won’t want to – it’s bad enough going back after just a few days off.

So back to my anxiety at work, on Thursday I was put on tamper labels (the tape that keeps boxes closed so people can’t get into them) and it was all fine until it ran out, I asked someone else to change the reel on the dispenser for me whilst I took some labels and did it by hand, but of course it wasn’t anywhere near as quick and I got behind. I managed to catch up with the help of someone else but then the reel kept breaking and made me keep getting more behind again – and my manager was around during one of these times, making my anxiety even worse! Now I do like being on tamper labels because it’s such an easy job, but my anxiety really kicks in when I see that they’re running out, especially when there’s a line full of products coming towards me and I know I’m going to get behind.

I’m actually hoping that tomorrow I’ll be on the egg foilers – as long as the team leader is changed from last week because all she seemed to do was accuse me and another lady of taking an extra 5 minutes for break when we know we didn’t! She also made me feel bad for not knowing how to change the foil when it ran out. The other team leader who sometimes runs that line will just change it for me as soon as he sees it’s run out, I always pay attention to what he does but it’s a pretty confusing process to be honest. The team leader last week always makes my anxiety worse though, I constantly feel judged when she’s team leader.

At this point I feel like I should stop complaining and go to bed, not that I’ll sleep, but I have to at least try.

Kimberley

 

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