Yes I Have Attachment Issues, No I’m Not “Weird”

Anyone close to me will be able to tell you how easily I get attached to people – parental figures mostly. I think it’s happened since a young age but I only realised it in high school, year 9 to be exact (Age 14/15 for those not in the UK).

Now I don’t want to go into detail about what happened in year 9, but I will say that I got close to one of my teachers; she was lovely and we got on well. First of all I saw her as being like a second Mum – the parental figure – but as time went on I started to see her as more of a best friend, which is where it got out of hand and I took it too far. I like to forget that year 9 ever happened, but it did teach me a lesson and it made me realise my attachment issue and showed me what not to do if I found myself getting attached again.

In year 10 I had a new English teacher, I’d seen her around school before and knew who she was because she was head of English, and I’d heard nice things about her so I knew it’d be a good 2 years of English because we had the same teachers for our subjects for both of our GCSE years. For the first few months everything was fine and she was just like any other teacher, but she was one of those teachers who often got off track and would tell us little stories about her life, so I soon found out that we had a lot in common. I started talking to her outside of lessons at break times and lunchtimes and we got on really well, I found myself telling her things I didn’t even tell my parents and before I knew it I was attached. This time though, I knew what not to do. I told myself that if I found myself getting too close I’d back off before I went and ruined everything, because I genuinely did feel that I could talk to her about anything, and I needed someone like that in my life, yeah I had my friends, but sometimes it was nice to have an adult to talk to – I’ve never been close enough to my parents to talk to them about anything, even now I hardly tell them anything, and I think that’s where my attachment issues come from, I’m not close to my parents so without even realising it I’m always looking for a parental figure to be close to.

So anyway, this time round I managed to not let my attachment go too far, I may have gone a little over the top with her birthday presents in year 11 but that was partly because her birthday was also the day of my last exam and therefore my last day of high school so it was also like a thank you for being such a good teacher for the previous 2 years – she loved the presents I got her so it was all fine.

My high school also runs a college – which I went to – so I still saw her around, not so much as I used to but still enough for us to have a little chat whenever we saw each other. It did get me down a little that I didn’t see her as much as I did in high school but I got used to it. For Christmas that year I gave her a little keyring that I’d made with a photo of the two of us that I’d had taken on our ‘official’ last day of school back in May of that year, she hugged me and said thank you and that she loved it. There isn’t really much else to say about college because I didn’t see her often enough, but the last time I saw her was just before February half term in year 13 (age 17/18), and I haven’t seen her since, so that’s about 3 and a half years now. I’d told her that I’d stay in contact after I left college but that proved to be harder than I thought.

Because I finished college in June and hadn’t seen her since February and we weren’t allowed onto the high school site unless we had a lesson there, I had no way of talking to her to give her my email address or anything for us to stay in touch, and by the time I thought of sending an email to her school email address it was too late because they were changing over to a new email system. I tried Facebook but as she told us many times in English, she doesn’t use hers because she hates Facebook. So that really leaves me with only one option: call or visit the school and ask to speak to her. But I have anxiety, I can’t do that out of fear they’ll just think I’m crazy and turn me away.

It doesn’t bother me that we’re not in contact as much as it used to, but I do still have days where things happen or I’m just feeling down and I think “I’d kill to talk to her and get some advice”, but mostly I’d just like to have a catch up and see how she’s doing, and me and Amber were saying a few weeks ago that we would love to get her drunk because honestly it would be hilarious! But it doesn’t look like we’ll be in contact anytime soon so for now I’m just going to have to carry on dealing with my attachment and hope that one day there’s a miracle and she logs into her Facebook account and sees my friend request.

I was going to include the photo of us in this post but I’ve decided against it because I don’t know if she’d be okay with me using it. But the point of this post is that whilst I have attachment issues, that doesn’t make me “weird” or “not normal”, because honestly nobody is “normal”, everyone is different. “Normality” is something we create in our heads, we all have our own ideas about what’s normal, but nothing is, not really. My attachment issues, along with my anxiety, are just a part of who I am, and I’m sorry but if you know me and you can’t deal with certain things about me then you don’t deserve to be in my life.

Kimberley

Happy 21st Birthday Bestie! ♡

So I’m dedicating this entire post to my best friend. She’s been by my side for the last 10 years and today is her 21st birthday. 
So Amber, thank you for putting up with me for the last 10 years, especially through the first 5 in high school where I’d go on about ‘you know who’ for 6 hours a day (and then later on msn too). I’d have run away years ago! 😂 Okay I wouldn’t but still. 

I know I’m crazy but you wouldn’t have me any other way, right? 😉

But you’re a pain in the ass too at times, like you know, when you don’t reply to my texts for days 😒 Doesn’t stop me sending you more random crap though 😂 

Anyway Happy Birthday bitch, I hope you like your presents and enjoy these photos 😜 Love you 😘❤❤






Kimberley

30 Day Music Challenge: Days 22-30

So here’s my fourth and final music challenge post! But before I get into the challenge, I need to talk about the fact that I went to see Busted last night… For free! There’s a festival near me called Festival Too which is held every year and it’s completely free entry and this years top act were Busted. It was actually my first concert and oh my god, the atmosphere was amazing! The second Busted walked out everyone was screaming, and then they opened with Air Hostess and everyone was screaming it at the top of their lungs. Of course they went on to sing their other classics; Year 3000, Crashed The Wedding, Sleeping With The Light On and That’s What I Go To School For, along with a few of their newer songs too. I didn’t really get any good pictures because my phone’s camera decided it wanted to completely suck last night, but here’s the best one I did get.

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Busted at Festival Too in Kings Lynn, Norfolk

Okay so, music challenge, as before here’s a reminder of the challenge.

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Day 22: A song that motivates you

Look For Me – Chipmunk feat. Talay Riley

Now this isn’t a song that motivates me now because I honestly couldn’t think of one, but I remember years ago we had a crosstrainer (I think?) and I used to exercise to this on repeat because for whatever reason it just used to motivate me – maybe I should use this as motivation to start using my exercise bike again!

Day 23: A song that you think everybody should listen to

Rain – The Script

Okay so technically I already used The Script, but… It was them featured on a David Guetta song. So, this is their new single, only released 2 days ago and it is amazing! I literally cannot wait for the album, and I’m hoping I’m going to be able to see them live this year or next year depending on tour dates. We’ve been waiting for 2 and a half years for new music but it was totally worth the wait!

Day 24: A song by a band/group you wish were still together

S Club Party – S Club 7

Come on who doesn’t wish S Club 7 were still together? I so wish I’d been able to see them when they did a reunion tour a couple of years ago! I’m not ashamed to admit I own all their albums.

Day 25: A song by an artist no longer living

Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go – Wham!

So technically I’m putting this in because of George Michael but of course he was part of Wham and this is such a good song. There were so many good songs I could have chosen from so many different artists because we’ve lost so many over the last couple of years but I felt like this was my favourite of the ones I thought of.

Day 26: A song that makes you want to fall in love

Let Me In – Grouplove

I found a love songs playlist and didn’t really like many of the songs on it so I thought “I know, I’ll look up the soundtrack for TFIOS because I love the relationship between Hazel and Gus. And it’s made me want to watch the film again now so as soon as I’m done with this post I’m watching it!

Day 27: A song that breaks your heart

When We Were Young – Adele

Now this may seem like a strange choice, but if there’s any UK Neighbours fans reading you’ll remember that this is the song they played over the scene where Josh died back in 2016 when they had the hotel explosion – it was a different song in the Australian episode for some reason. I cried my eyes out over that scene and I can’t listen to this song now without thinking back to it.

Day 28: A song by an artist with a voice that you love

Wrapped Up – Olly Murs

Everyone loves Olly, right? And not just his voice, he’s pretty damn good looking, let’s be honest – and let’s not even mention his habit of wearing tight trousers! He may have lost out on winning X Factor but that’s not necessarily a bad thing because look at the success he’s had!

Day 29: A song that you remember from your childhood

Air Hostess – Busted

After how crazy last night was I had to use a Busted song for this one, but I was so torn between this and Year 3000, but I decided to go for the one that was most fun to sing along to last night, and it was Air Hostess. Although the reaction to “we’re gonna sing a song about the future” was pretty damn crazy!

Day 30: A song that reminds you of yourself

Say You Like Me – We The Kings

I’m kind of in two minds about using this song because I only know about this song because of my ex fwb… But if you listen to the first part of the first verse, the kind of girl they’re singing about is a girl like me, someone shy who won’t make the first move and is waiting for the right guy to come along.

So there we go, that’s my music challenge done! It’s actually been quite fun to do, but also quite hard at times to find songs I like that fit in to the categories I had. As promised here’s a link to the full playlist I’ve made for the challenge.

Kimberley

30 Day Music Challenge: Days 15-21

Me again with days 15-21 of my music challenge! As I did last week, I’ll post a reminder of the challenge, then get on with it.

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Day 15: A song that is a cover by another artist

Uptown Girl – Westlife

I love this song and it was the first cover that came to mind! The original of course was by Billy Joel in the 80’s but honestly I prefer the Westlife version from 2000.

Day 16: One of your favourite songs from a movie

Jump – The Pointer Sisters (From Love Actually)

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I had to choose this just because it reminds me of that classic Hugh Grant scene in Love Actually! 

Day 17: A song that features your favourite artist

Goodbye Friend – David Guetta feat. The Script

Now honestly I didn’t even realise The Script had featured on anyone elses songs, but I managed to find this on Spotify, and whilst it’s completely different from their usual style, this is so. damn. good. (Now if the guys could hurry up and give us that new album they keep teasing us about that would be great!)

Day 18: A song from the year you were born

2 Become 1 – Spice Girls

My first thought for this one was Wannabe, and I do love both songs, but 2 Become 1 is just that little bit better.

Day 19: A song that makes you think about life

Where is the Love – Black Eyed Peas

I chose this song for this day way in advance, because even though this song was released in 2003, it’s still so relevant today. When they sang it with Ariana Grande at her benefit concert it really sunk in how much relevance it still has 14 years after its initial release. And honestly it was the perfect song to sing at that concert considering the events that led to the concert being put on.

Day 20: A song that reminds you of your Mum

Never Gonna Give You Up – Rick Astley

It’s her ringtone, it’s that simple!

Day 21: A favourite song with a person’s name in the title

Grace Kelly – Mika

This was so hard because I couldn’t think of any songs with names in! I literally had to scroll through a massive 800 song playlist of songs from 2000-2012 and I found 2 songs that I like that have names in and this was one of them.

So that’s it for this week, next week’s final post will be on Sunday 16th because there’ll be 2 extra days to make the 30 days of the challenge!

Kimberley

Thoughts on the Pretty Little Liars finale

As anyone who knows me can tell you, I LOVE Pretty Little Liars, and I am so sad that’s it’s over now. But whilst there were still obvious plot holes and more questions raised than answered, the finale still gave us so much. The identity of A.D, Aria and Ezra’s wedding (FINALLY!), Emison twins, Hanna’s pregnancy and of course, Mona at her finest in that last scene! Well, second to last scene, I really wasn’t a fan of the scene with history repeating itself with Addison and her friends.

So let’s go through this from the start… Though there will be parts left out, because I can’t write about everything, and if I. Marlene King can leave (important) things out then so can I!

Emison have twins and damn I was not expecting that! Me and Amber tried to guess at the start of the episode what the baby would be and we both said a boy and that it would be named after Emily’s Dad, but of course we were both wrong because it was twin girls named Lily and Grace. And then of course we later found out that Wren is the Dad! I was totally expecting it to be Slut Daddy Hastings though tbh.

Okay so now the build up to that twin reveal; it was so obvious once you’d read the theories but honestly I didn’t think Marlene would actually go with it! Let’s just skip everything else and talk about how a horse realised Alex wasn’t Spencer but none of the girls did. Oh and Jenna, let’s not forget how she ‘sniffed out’ that it wasn’t really Spencer. I know horses are fairly intelligent and everything so of course the horse was going to realise, but surely at some point Alex would have slipped up and spoken with an English accent or done something else that may have made the girls at the very least be like “Spence that’s not like you”.

The reveal itself was done so well though, it could have easily been messed up but Troian did such a good job of playing both Spencer and Alex, okay the British accent wasn’t the best but that’s the only criticism I’ve had of Troian in the entire 7 seasons.

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From this moment onwards I was literally sitting on the edge of my seat (well, bed) watching the rest of the episode. I couldn’t believe that for the past 10 weeks half of what we’d been seeing of Spencer had actually been Alex, and I couldn’t believe that when we thought we were getting Spoby, we were actually getting Toby and Alex (they don’t deserve a ship name).

Alex’s back story mostly made sense, though I do think her relationship with Wren wasn’t quite believable, I know Wren was always a little dodgy given that he kissed Spencer whilst he was with Melissa, but I think deep down if he’d actually liked Spencer then he wouldn’t have gotten into such a serious relationship with Alex, and he definitely wouldn’t have helped her destroy Spencer’s life the way that he did. In a way I’m slightly glad Alex killed him, although I do wish Marlene had given us some sort of explanation as to how he died!

The classic ‘which twin is which’ scene was actually done quite well, and I did, for the most part, manage to keep track of which one was which. I do have to question though how Spencer knew what book Toby was talking about when he asked what her favourite poem was from the book she gave him… She didn’t even know that ‘she’ had given him the book because it was Alex, not her. But I guess it’s a typical I. Marlene King plot hole and we should really expect those at this point.

Now I must move on to what was easily my favourite part of the whole episode: Aria and Ezra’s wedding!

I cried. I actually cried. We’ve watched Aria and Ezra’s relationship develop through 7 seasons, from the problems that came with their relationship initially being illegal (which, for the haters, I don’t condone, but they’re meant to be together, that much is clear), to Aria finding out he was writing a book about her and her friends, and from both of them moving on, to ending up back where they belong; with each other. We’ve seen them grow together and fall in love even more despite the problems that were thrown at them. Even when Aria found out the night before the rehearsal dinner that she couldn’t have kids and they had a huge argument, they still ended up getting married, just with a delay thanks to Alex.

I have to admit, I wasn’t a fan of Aria’s dress the first time round, but that second dress suited her so well; it was much more like Aria’s style, the first one looked like Ezra’s Mum had picked it…

The wedding was everything I ever wanted for Ezria, and I am so glad they got the happy ending they deserved. Even if it did feature a cameo by Marlene where her phone almost ruined the wedding!

Now, that last scene with all 5 liars… The tears. So many tears. I was still emotional from the wedding but this was what really got me; when Ali said “for some reason this feels like it’s the end of something”, that was it, the tears kept coming. I don’t think that scene was all acting, I think you see the girls real emotions coming out there, they’ve spent the last 7 years working together, growing up together, and have no doubt formed a friendship between the 5 of them that will last a lifetime, and that was their last scene together.

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I can’t not talk about that last scene with Mona, we always knew she was crafty but this, she is the Queen of being crafty. Those girls owe their lives to Mona.

We still have so many unanswered questions; how did Wren die? Where was Mike at the wedding? Also what happened with him and Mona?? But most importantly…

HOW DID THE WINE MOMS GET OUT OF THE BASEMENT???

I. Marlene King and her damn plot holes again.

But thank you Marlene, you gave me and so many others an amazing show to watch and obsess over, and characters that will live on forever.

The game may be over, but we’ll always have Rosewood.

Kimberley


All images from PLL/Freeform.